Fuck Me Maybe

Note to the reader:  This story is a half-comical/half-erotic take on the Carly Jepsen song, “Call Me Maybe.”  It was inspired by the music video itself – if you haven’t watched it, it’s advisable to do so:

In the five years that Carly Briggs lived at her small ranch-style house in Indianapolis, she’s had the neighbors from hell living across the street.  They were a husband-wife couple who harbored little respect for those around them.  If they weren’t blasting their foul rap music during the day, they were having loud parties.  She had called the cops on them a few times prior, but considering the most punishment they received was a visit wherein the officers just told them, “It’s late, please turn it down,” it didn’t affect them much.

On this particular Friday night, feeling unsatisfied by the police response and having to deal with their obnoxious partying, she walked over and knocked on their door.  The wife answered the door aggressively, unwelcoming, and damn near drunk.  Carly demanded they turn the music down for the sake of her own sanity and out of respect for her neighbors.  The wife didn’t take too kindly to her demands and shoved her away from the threshold while yelling, “This whole fucking neighborhood can kiss my fucking ass!”

As the door slammed closed, whatever party was taking place inside the house became insurmountably louder in defiance.  Steaming mad, she stomped back into her house.  Faced with little choice, she called the non-emergency police number and reached a dispatcher.

“Hi, I’m sorry to call again – this must be getting old.”

Recognizing the number on her caller ID, the dispatcher replied, “Not at all, ma’am.  What seems to be the issue?”

Carly was still breathing heavily from the confrontation.

“My fucking inconsiderate and nasty neighbors across the street are once again, having one of their loud parties.  I went over to ask them nicely to cool it considering it’s night time and there’s no need for it, and I was shoved violently from their door and screamed at,” she continued with her complaint.

The dispatcher was taking notes as she spoke, but eventually replied, “Well, ma’am, you were on her property and if she doesn’t want you there, she’s within her rights to ask you to leave.”

Carly grew incensed by the response, but didn’t want to say anything callous over a recorded line.  Intellectually, she knew the dispatcher was correct, but this wasn’t the first time she and others had called the police over a noise issue.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying to remain calm.  I know I’ve called y’all before about this,” said Carly as she was calming down from her reaction.

“As you’ve been talking to us, we’ve received more phone calls about that residence.  We’re sending an officer over there to check on things,” said the dispatcher.  In the background, another dispatcher was heard sending two cars over to that house.

“Alright.  I hope there’s something y’all can do as you’ve done in the past,” replied Carly with some semblance of optimism.

She hung up the phone and started regained her own composure.  As the adrenaline rush was wearing off, it was hitting her that going over there was probably not her brightest move.  She also knew that she wasn’t the only person on the block to call in complaints like she did.

Within ten minutes of her phone call, she saw two police cruisers pull up and park on her side of the street.  She grabbed her phone and headed outside into the chilly night with her sweatshirt.  One officer exited each cruiser, adjusted their duty belts and approached the house.  Carly walked down to the bottom of her driveway, but didn’t cross the street.  She put her phone up and began recording as the one of the police officers approached the door and knocked three times.  His patrol partner kept distance of coverage as he put his hands on his hips, but positioned his right hand such that if he needed to brandish, he could quickly.

The lock on the door clicked as the door opened quickly to a greeting of, “Now, who the fuck is at my – ??” as the husband greeted the officers with a shotgun, barrel pointing upward.

The backup patrol officer secured a grip on his gun in case he was going to use it.  The officer who knocked was barely phased.  He expected either an armed response or a pissed off homeowner.

“Good evening.  We’re here because – ”

“Yeah, I know why the fuck you’re here.  I’ll bet that cunt across the street called.  Her panties are in a wad because I like to party,” said the husband with strong vitriol.

The main officer smiled cordially, “Actually, we’ve received fifteen calls in the last ten minutes about your loud noise.”

As he was hearing this, the husband curled up his nose and he rolled his eyes.

The officer continued calmly, “Furthermore, our records show that you’ve been warned multiple times by city law enforcement about violating our sound ordinances.”

The husband laughed indignantly as his wife approached from the background while smoking a cigarette.  “What the fuck’s going on out here?”

He turned around to look at her, “No worries.  Cops are here again because some assholes have decided that loud noise is not their thing.”

The wife rolled her eyes, turned around and gave the wave-off, “Fuck ‘em.  It’s our house and we’ll do as we please.”

While this was transpiring, the main officer had his phone on the internet and pulled up the noise ordinance being violated.  When the husband turned back around, the officer showed him the phone and said, “This is the law we’re referencing.”

The husband swatted the phone from the officer’s hand to the ground and the husband became more indignant.

“Now, listen here,” he said as he grabbed his own shotgun and repositioned it to draw attention to it, “this is my property you’re standing on.  My wife and I will conduct ourselves as we please.  You can remove yourselves from MY PROPERTY, and NOT COME BACK!”  He followed his statement with a cocking of shotgun.

The backup officer quickly responded with, “Sir, put the weapon down.  We’re responding to several calls –”

In one quick motion, the husband drew his shotgun and fired a single shot toward the officer and yelled, “FUCK YOURSELF!”

The shot just barely missed the officer as he drew his weapon and returned fire hitting the husband in the chest.  This also caused the shotgun to come loose as he hit the floor.  The main officer quickly hopped on his radio and requested EMS.  The wife heard the gun shot and came running toward her husband.

“You fucking cops!  You killed my husband!” she screamed angrily.

After acknowledging the need for EMS, the main officer walked over to her husband and applied pressure to the wound.

Within a few minutes, EMS arrived with their gurney and equipment.  They started first-aid on the husband as they moved him to the gurney.  The wife was frantic as she figured her husband was dead despite emergency efforts.  As the paramedics worked on him, one of them looked at her deadpan and mentioned that he was going to live, but asserted that he needed to get to a hospital.  She also looked up at the officer who was nearly shot and asked him if he wanted medical treatment, and he waved it off.

Seeing how distraught the wife was, the paramedic working on her husband asked her if she wanted to ride in the ambulance.  She’d went from frantically yelling profanity at the police officer who fired the return shot to rapid-fire prayer for her husband’s recovery.  While she was inconsolable, she accepted the ride to the hospital.

As the ambulance pulled away with only lights, it left the two police officers by themselves.  The backup officer kept dispatch abreast of the incident and that he was okay.  Dispatch advised them to get in their squad cars and return to the station.

After the ambulance pulled away, Carly stopped recording and headed back inside.




Thanks to efforts on the part of the emergency room team at the hospital, the husband made a full recovery.  The bullet didn’t puncture any vital organs, but the surgery he underwent did leave a nice scar that he’d forever remember.  Once he recovered, he was transferred into police custody where he was charged with multiple counts of disturbing the peace, assaulting a police officer with a deadly weapon, and attempted murder of a police officer.  A jury found him guilty on all accounts.  Even though the police officer lived, given the circumstances that led up to the confrontation, the jury asked for the punishment to be death.  The judge could not approve that punishment considering no murder took place, but he approved changing the sentence to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.

One month later, the wife packed her bags and left Indianapolis.

Six months later, the house had a new owner.  After the wife abandoned it, and with the husband’s imprisonment being state-wide news, real-estate people started driving by it often to see if it would still be occupied.  It didn’t take long to discover that it had been abandoned, nor long for someone to buy it.

He was the new assistant manager of a small credit union two towns over.  The position and his appearance created a contradiction – fairly casual, both in personality and in appearance.

It wasn’t until a month after he settled in that Carly noticed a new SUV parked in that driveway.  It wasn’t a fancy one by any stretch, but the Indiana license plate looked brand new.  She had just returned from doing errands and was putting things away when she heard the whirring of a lawnmower.  Given that it was the middle of the afternoon and her adjacent neighbors normally did their laws in the morning, her ears piqued with curiosity.  She stepped outside the front door and walked over to her mailbox – no mail.  She looked over across the street to see that her new neighbor was the owner of the whirring sound.

The mower looked fairly new, but it was allowing him to get the job done.  As she stared at his shirtless physique, all she could think about was how her pussy would feel if he were fucking it.  She watched him intently as the lawn was taking extra effort due to its height.  While she didn’t want to gawk, his build only made her pussy hotter.  Her body temperature rose at least twenty degrees.  While he was on the lap walking away from his SUV, she hastily walked across the street and stayed behind it.  As he reached the end of that aisle and faced forward, she quickly ducked behind the driver’s door.  The neighbor thought he saw something in his peripherals, but given that he was sweating over the yard work, and he had headphones in with music playing, he wrote it off as ‘seeing things.’  It wasn’t until the lawn was halfway done that he confirmed that she was watching him.  Carly wasn’t an eyesore and with the weather getting warmer, it just meant showing more skin.  Once they made eye contact, he waved with his left hand, which didn’t show a band.  She returned the wave with one of timidity as she continued watching and fantasizing.  Every time he made a lap walking in her direction, she bit her lip as she was trying to think of a way to approach him beyond gawking at him from behind his SUV.  On the outside, he seemed like a friendly person, but she didn’t know him from a whole in the wall.

After he finished mowing that portion of his lawn, he walked around the corner of his SUV and noticed that she wasn’t hiding anymore.  He looked across the street at her house, and watched as she casually walked up her driveway and back into her house.  She went into the refrigerator for a bottle of water.  Without any regard to her tile floor, she opened the bottle and dumped herself with water like it were an ice-bucket challenge.

Soaked with water and with her tits showing through her light V-neck shirt, with nothing underneath, she took a perched position over by her couch.  The heat and her horny state of mind must have been playing tricks with her mind as she saw him emerge from the backyard, but this time naked.  She put one hand down the front of her pants to feel that she was already moist.  Next to his house was the water supply which was connected to a garden hose rig.

After breaking out the hose and turning the water on, she saw that he was bringing the hose further down his driveway.

He crossed the street into her driveway, adjusted the nozzle on the hose and started washing her car – it was a little dirty, but nothing filthy.  She placed one finger inside her pussy as she continued being a voyeur.  The closer he moved to the front of her car, the faster she masturbated.

She wasn’t too far from an orgasm.

Once the car was sprayed down, he walked back across the street to his house and returned with a device that resembled a cloth on a stick, except this one had the soap built into the handle.

Wielding the stick like a man with muscle, he washed every square of the car.  As he rounded the front, he looked up to notice that she was ravishing him in a fantasy.  He was also at the perfect angle for her to gawk at his bare cock.  She wished it were fucking her, but she was enjoying the voyeurism too much to consider making a move.  In her mind, they were fucking, and it was bringing her closer to an orgasm.

As he continued to apply more soap with the brush, her view was now his hardened ass.

He rounded the back of her car and extended the brush as well as his own body over the hood.  She took another glance his cock – this time it was halfway there.

Her fingers were still at it.  As her orgasm was imminent, her knees became weak as she felt backward onto her couch and hitting the floor.  As she came, she now had to figure out how to make fantasy a reality.  She returned to the fridge to grab another water and douse herself.

Returning to the window near the couch, he was back to his yard and was moving yard clippings into bags for later pickup.  He had accumulated four bags solely from the front yard.  She stepped outside to look at her car, dismayed to actualize that it was all in her mind.  As she looked down her driveway back to his house, watching him transport the bags to the side of the house.  The heat combined with the yardwork just enhanced his appeal.

As she continued to stare, he looked up and exchanged glances again.  They both waved at each other.  He was still wearing headphones and was focused on his yardwork.  Despite the exchange of glance and her gawking at him behind his SUV, she was still facing a difficult time approaching him, even to welcome him to the neighborhood.  As she watched him enter his garage, she saw him grab a shop towel to wipe his forehead.

Finished with his yardwork, he headed back into his house.

She was most of the way up the driveway when she heard another vehicle approach.  When she turned around, she saw it pull into her neighbor’s driveway.  She walked up the path to enter her house as the engine cut out on this new vehicle.

The passenger and driver’s sides opened up as two taller men dressed business-casual exited and crossed it from the back.  After one opened the trunk, the other returned to the driver’s side and honked the horn twice.

He returned to the trunk to help the other lift and transport a heavy box.  From what Carly could see of the label on the front, it was a safe.

As the men worked on transporting it into the house, the neighbor popped out and greeted the men.

She turned around to close the door behind her when her eyes burst open wide as the neighbor and one of the men kissed.

The only thing you heard was, “Okay, you two, can you make out in the house??  This damn thing’s heavy.”

The neighbor reached out with one hand and smacked the other guy upside the head.

The neighbor headed out to close the trunk and noticed that Carly was at her own door.  Again, they waved to each other as she re-entered her house.

While she was disappointed by the revelation, it explained why he made no effort to return any advances.  He clearly wasn’t ashamed to show public affection which made her wonder if the making out went any further.  Their making out wasn’t the “Honey, I’m home!” type, but more like, “I haven’t seen you in months and my cock is begging for attention!”

Neither man wore a band, so she wasn’t sure if they were married, or simply dating.

Her emotional and mental spiral were interrupted by the doorbell ringing, scaring the total shit out of her.

She composed herself and answered the door.

There stood the two men on her doorstep – both of them wearing polo shirts and denim jeans.  After seeing the earlier neighbor with a shirt off, seeing him clothed was odd; she wanted to see him naked again.

The neighbor introduced himself and his boyfriend to her as they both shook hands with her.

“Remember, I was telling you about a woman that was watching me while I was cutting the lawn earlier?”

Despite him being gay, the boyfriend didn’t seem offended or disgusted.  If anything, he looked intrigued.  Neither man had the stereotypical flamboyance, though the boyfriend did have a slight lisp.

“Well, at least you were oogled at by an attractive woman,” said the boyfriend.

Hearing a gay guy complimented her as such made her smile – she was hoping that the neighbor might have been at least bisexual to help her fulfill her fantasy.  The revelation and not knowing that he was married made the move that much tougher.

“Well, in all fairness,” Carly said in hesitation to the boyfriend, “your man is very attractive.”

Realizing that they were still at the door chatting, Carly invited them in for a drink.

As they stepped in, she couldn’t help but continue to gawk at the neighbor as he walked in.  The boyfriend wasn’t oblivious, but it wasn’t uncommon for either of them to be gawked at.

As she fixed them drinks, the usual “neighborly meeting” banter began.  Carly was treated to hearing both men open up about their coming out and how they found each other.

They turned the conversation over to her and the neighbor asked why she was so shy when she decided to gawk at him behind his vehicle.  She confessed her initial sexual attraction to him and when she didn’t see a wedding band on his finger, she considered making a move.

The boyfriend then made a confession of his own – while they were an item, their relationship was open.  Carly’s intrigue was enhanced when the boyfriend asked, “Since you assumed my man was straight, what was on your mind while you stared at him?”  Both men sat back comfortably awaiting her reply.

She knew what she wanted to say, but felt like her words would fall on deaf ears.

“Since you’re asking, he was without a shirt, and I love a man with a toned body.”

Just saying those words made her hot, but she felt like she could be more direct.

“A piece of me wanted to pin him up against his car and blow him into next week.”

The boyfriend started to crack a grin and for the briefest of moments, the neighbor started to get hard.

The neighbor pulled off his polo shirt to show off his toned body, which further exacerbated Carly’s horny state.  The boyfriend also started to show how turned on he was.  The neighbor ascended his chair and removed his pants and boxers, very reminiscent of Carly’s fantasy from earlier.  As he put the boxers aside, his cock was halfway erect.

Her normal instinct would to be walk over and start sucking, but it was difficult to tell whether the neighbor wanted her or him.  Lack of reaction by the boyfriend prompted her to stand up and remove her V-neck t-shirt and lacy bra, allowing her 35C tits to be free.

The boyfriend looked at her with a look of intrigue and said with a low voice, “The guy isn’t as gay as he looks.”  As he said it, the neighbor stood up and started kissing her neck while softly sweeping her hair to the side.  The boyfriend stood up, walked behind him, and reached around for his cock.  The neighbor continued his kisses as his hands started fondling her firm tits.

Carly could feel her pussy getting warmer by the second.

The neighbor turned around for a brief period and started making out with his boyfriend.  The boyfriend removed his collared shirt and white t-shirt, exposing a torso that wasn’t as alluring as the neighbor’s.  As if on autopilot, the boyfriend dropped to his knees and began servicing.  This made Carly hotter as she took a seat in the chair once occupied by the neighbor and began playing with her pussy.

The neighbor looked very content being blown, but the whole act seemed very monotonous.

After a few minutes of servicing, the boyfriend let up and asked Carly if she wanted to continue what he started.  Figuring she might be able to make some good on that fantasy, she asked the boyfriend if he wanted some action also.  While he declined, he wouldn’t go unentertained.  As she started sucking the neighbor’s dick, she noticed peripherally that the boyfriend started jerking off.

Stopping momentarily, Carly turned around and bringing her hands behind her, started stroking the neighbor while watching the boyfriend stroke himself.  Internally, she knew she wanted the boyfriend’s cock inside her, but she knew that was out.

It didn’t take long, but after a few minutes of the neighbor being stroked, Carly felt a poke at her pussy.  He spread her lips and started fucking her.  Directly in front of her, her boyfriend saw this and raised an eyebrow.  Carly’s eyes widened quickly as her face read as a surprise.

She wasn’t driving this train anymore and she wasn’t expecting her neighbor, who was seemingly bisexual from to start fucking her.  As he continued to fuck, the way her pussy was being pounded it seemed more passionate than for a guy who truly liked cock.

The boyfriend ascended and walked next to their action and turned his face toward him.  They started to make out, but his energy was clearly more focused on her.  Seeing what he was trying to do, she removed herself from things, turned around and backpedaled away.  Her pussy was throbbing for more dick, she wanted the men to finish this out while she watched.

As the men continued to make out, the neighbor reached down and continued what his boyfriend started.  While Carly was watching this action and had two fingers inside her own pussy, she was watching the neighbor carefully.  While he was enjoying the blowjob from him, he started with his eyes closed and head back, to craning his neck back to a neutral position as he continued to gaze at her.

Nevertheless, she continued masturbating and started moaning.  Interestingly enough, the neighbor wasn’t moaning much, or even indicating any kind of pleasure from the blowjob.  It didn’t take long, but the boyfriend picked up on this anomaly and asked if he was enjoying things.

This broke his train of thought as his mind was focused on her.  That lapsing moment was enough to slow him down and stare him down.  At that very moment, it became obvious.

He backed off the suction and he put his hand out to welcome her back to the action, though he wasn’t happy about it.  She was very hesitant, but re-engaged him.

No less than two minutes after she resumed, she felt his cock ready to burst.

When his cock finally did burst, she took it all in as she would with any other guy, but was silent the whole time.  When she looked back at her boyfriend who’d mostly gone limp, she shrugged her shoulders and mouthed an apology.  His dismayed look was obvious to anyone in the room.  While it was clearly a covered look, he rolled his eyes.

They both stood up as he approached her from behind and whispered, “Thank you for bringing forth the truth.”




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